Wednesday, February 28, 2007
8:20 a.m.

Today started off brilliantly as my alarm clock didn’t work this morning and I woke up at 6:50am. I’m supposed to leave the house at 6:50am, so I scrabbled around for clothes and took a whore’s bath. I am always bringing the class. To any of my coworkers reading this, I’m sorry if I smell. Hopefully piling on the deodorant and lotion will save me today. Thank god it’s not warm out. The mood was compounded when I tried to tear out of the neighborhood with foggy windows. Condensation and direct sunlight = I can’t see dick. I finally ended up peeking through part of the windshield, close to the dashboard. Yeah that’s safe. Despite my blindness, I still honked at the car before me, who couldn’t manage to go fast enough when the metering light changed. I can be just as bitchy with a handicap.

My mood improved when I checked reception voicemails, and Mr. “Doctorates” Degree called in sick. I won’t have to deal with his lame annoyances all day, which brightens my day by 46%.

On the downside, I already received an annoying phone call and it’s not even fucking 8am. Poor, unsuspecting me answered the phone like an idiot:

Me: Good Morning, [company name]

Caller: [in an Indian accent] Yes ma’am, this is Karen from Cisco Systems, I want to get the name of your communications manager, I am sending some mail.

Me: What is this regarding exactly?

Caller: I just want to send some mail, what is the name of the person in charge of the telephone systems?

Me: What are you sending?

Caller: I am sending some information about our company.

I hung up.

The phone rang again about 30 seconds later. I cringed and answered it.

Me: Good Morning, [company name] (still cringing)

Caller: Yes ma’am, this is Karen again, and I did not get the name of your communications manager, I need the name.

Me: (Sigh) I know, but what is it regarding? What are you sending?

Caller: I need the name of your communications manager, I am sending some information about our company.

Me: We don’t have a communications manager. Can’t you just send it to the general address, do you really need a contact?

Caller: What is the name of the person who handles your telephone systems?

Me: We don’t handle our telephone systems, that is handled by our corporate office (I’m pretty sure this is not true, but it usually chases them away).

Caller: What is your corporate office number?

Me: I can’t provide that information.

She hung up. Imagine that.

So my day is about 54% bad already, and this foreign joker calls to solicit business? Before 8am? The poor ignorant drone talked to the wrong girl, I don’t give a fuck who she’s with and what she wants. I’ve learned from years of menial phone answering that if someone is vague and doesn’t sound like they have a purpose, they are generally casing my shit and just want information on the sly. I.e., recruiters who call and say, “Um…I need to speak with one of your design engineers, about a project. Oh, it’s a private project. I can’t elaborate.” We don’t have private projects, fuck off liar. So from my myriad glamorous escapades as a receptionist, I have been trained to be a rude bitch. I think it suits me, don’t you?