Friday, February 16, 2007
9:50 a.m.

…of my mania. For now.

I spent hours, days, weeks, months slaving away to ensure that my UCSC materials were in on time. I haven’t really left the house unless necessary, and everything else has pretty much fallen to the wayside.
Yesterday I drove all the way to Santa Cruz and back to bring my transcripts and portfolio to campus, because I’m a lazy procrastinater and never hesitate to finish tomorrow what should be done today. So all my materials are in, and I am finally done.

However, it didn’t make a difference at all, because I’m not getting in anyway, regardless of my qualifications. One of my teachers hasn’t submitted my final recommendation letter despite my earnest reminders and our discussion YESTERDAY that it was due YESTERDAY, and her confirmation that she would indeed submit it by the deadline. I have about had it with everything. Thank you, former teacher, for making the last several weeks of my life completely pointless. I really enjoyed working my ass off 17 hours a day for NOTHING. Really, it was a good learning experience for me to never strive for anything ever again. Thank you for assuring me that I will never amount to anything more than I am now.

The lesson, my friends, is that no matter how motivated you are to advance yourself, no matter how much you try to succeed, it doesn’t make a goddam difference because someone else can always come along to fuck up your shit. So don’t bother having any aspirations or dreams.