Wednesday, February 07, 2007
2:24 p.m.

This is my essay to UCSC, thus far. I have various strings of random thoughts and phrases in a document, but this was the easiest to write:

I don’t know what I’m doing applying to your school. I’m lazy and can’t even focus long enough to write a cogent essay on why I should be accepted. I have no discipline or motivation to do anything. I spend way too much time writing pointless drivel about wedding songs and trying to find mp3s of horrible songs to post on my profile. I basically want to go back to school so I don’t have to get up early and go to work anymore. I’m sick of answering phones and being responsible for other people’s projects. I hate working, and would much rather wallow in my own sloth and anti-production. Anyone else’s agenda is not on my list of priorities. I haven’t gotten my second and third letters of recommendation yet, or transcripts for half of my schools. My portfolio is practically nonexistent since I lost my CDs who knows when, and gave up looking for them almost a month ago. I’m working on a murder project which is pointless, because I don’t even know if the teacher I basically made it for is going to write my letter – I haven’t heard from him in weeks – is he even alive? You’d think I would have followed up by now, but the stress is attacking my sense of logic and I can’t really do anything aside from staring blankly at the TV, or lying in bed long after I’ve woken up, thinking about working on my application materials. I also have to return to the job I hated to obtain former projects that I worked on, to add to the virtually nonexistent portfolio I am fabricating. I don’t think I handle stress very well. I think I need to make a list, and go back to bed and cry.

1. Call old job for acquisition of old materials.

2. Call CSUS to determine missing teacher’s office hours, then proceed to beg, plead and bribe for a recommendation letter (just in case he has decided not to write one, I’m out of options at this point.)

3. Go to CSUS for transcripts (and a possible ambush of said teacher). Also, don’t forget to get unofficial transcripts to get gpa for application

4. Go to Sac City for transcripts

5. Work on essay/portfolio

6. Make sure all files are compatible with MAC platform.