“NOW? Really? Why do I always have to fuck it up somehow? Looks like only $800 million this year.”

“Laxative?! I smoke crack, fool. I always have to go. Like right now.” Literally.

This is too easy.

“…For that, and several other reasons, I am much better than you. Hold on, I think the Church is sending me a secret message through my bowels.”

Everyone on the Winston Academy rowing team is suffering from an unfortunate mix-up with their protein powder and Ronald’s colon cleanser. Fuckin’ constipated Ronald.

“I think I just shit my pants, but you know what? I feel so much better.”

Also too easy.

“Eeesh. This certainly is bad timing. But I’m George fucking Clooney so I’m sure it’s fine.

“What the fuck? I could have sworn something leaked out that time.”

“Could you take this fucking kid for a goddam second, please? I don’t think you want to know what’s going on.”

“Shit. I can’t deal with this right now, my nipple is showing.”

“I’ve pretty much given up caring what anyone thinks of me at this point. Just ride the wave, Dave.”

I think that dude can smell Ben Affleck’s unfortunate timing.

Don’t act like you didn’t know it was coming when you got dressed today.