Monday, January 29, 2007
1:30 p.m.

I’ve been sitting on this for several months now, but I think it’s gotten to the point where I must speak. I know you think your identity is protected, but I know it’s you, and you know it’s you, and really, who else would it be? I’ve ruled out all other variables. You, mysterious midnight (or 1-3am) caller, have got to stop. You had your chance and you blew it. More than once. You haven’t had a chance since like December of 2005, and even then it would have taken an act of insanity on my part, and a major chivalrous gesture on yours, to a magnitude of which you’ve never been capable. I don’t know what you’re snorting to think that it’s acceptable to call me at all hours on weekend nights, let alone a fucking Wednesday. You actually have the audacity to think that I would satisfy your midnight drunken erection? Seriously? After all this time? Maybe not, because every time I answer you hang up. What the fuck is that about? I answer out of insatiable curiosity, under the guise of concern and friendship, but really I just want to catch you and tell you not to call me. At first I was sickly flattered (it’s always nice to be wanted), which quickly evolved to smug. HA. That is what you get for being a self-serving prick since I’ve known you. You never appreciate something until it’s gone. Your friends speak so highly of you, who exactly are they talking about? I have rarely seen that side of you. I realize now that you will probably never actually speak to me when I answer, so this is what I’m reduced to. Something you should know, and this may hurt, but you deserve it: I LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. Just in case you missed it the first time, I LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. This means that a) he appreciates the calls about as much as I do; and b) it will NEVER happen, EVER. If ever there was insurance to protect against what I’m assuming is a booty call, that would be it. Even if we were to break up, you STILL wouldn’t have a chance, regardless of how upset and vulnerable I would be. So, if you don’t stop calling me, I will not hesitate to publish and broadcast your identity everywhere I can think of. I don’t think you want that, and I really don’t want to lower myself to such depths. We know many of the same people. You’re a nice person, sometimes. Don’t be annoying.