Wednesday, July 06, 2005
2:43 p.m.

…cuz I got a new job and I’m leaving, motherfuckers!!!

Goodbye pain-in-the-ass second drawer that always sticks.

Goodbye “don’t forget to keep me looped.”

Goodbye dumb-as-a-stump security guard who would probably let the freakin unibomber in if he gave him a smoke.

Goodbye ghetto bathrooms.

Goodbye paying $8 per day for parking cuz I’m goddam too lazy to get up early enough to ride the bus but I refuse to admit that I won’t start “this month, really!” so I don’t buy a monthly parking pass…

Goodbye Nemesis in the next suite who wouldn’t ride the elevator with me! Not that I fucking care you freakishly large troll! (not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

Goodbye suits at the end of the hall. I will miss you staring at my chest while you hold the elevator open for me.

Goodbye $35,000 copier that we way overpaid for. (Hello? Heard of a lease? That’s where my raise went, you cheap bastards.)

Goodbye “we’re a small office and we do things differently here…”

Goodbye you fucking nazi tyrant! I will always hate you. You will probably land me on a psychiatrist’s couch in a few years, when the horrors and traumas have finally worked their way out of my repressed psyche. “I didn’t realize you didn’t know how to fill out a FedEx slip.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you have less brain content than our stupid president. ELECTRONICAL IS NOT A WORD!” If I wanted to go to jail, I would certainly not hesitate to scratch your big dumb eyes out!

Anyway, Happy Day to everyone!