Twisted Princess

G is for Goob - addendum

Dude, I AM a goob. Last night I spent like three hours watching Season 1 of “Charles in Charge.” Despite my busy life and myriad obligations, I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Charles and the Powell family. I don’t care that it’s lame, and I don’t care that Buddy is a goon machine. I’ve got to see what happens next. My friend told me I’ve officially hit rock bottom. All I know is that I want Charles in charge of me. Do you agree? My sister didn’t pay $10 to hug Scott Baio at the mall for nothing.

(The real version)

Why is everyone such a fucking goob? Pretty much road rage is driving me crazy here. Surprise. I live like 3 miles from my job, how hard is it, people? Seriously. I hate everything today. I’m sick of both my jobs, I don’t want one anymore. I don’t want to take a class anymore either. Obligations suck. I have very little slacking time lately. Maybe I’m the goob, but I don’t really care. I’m over everything. I’mover my new ergonomic keyboard that i can’ barely use. See? that was the keyborad. i’ma great typist normally.

Ugh, happy Friday, I get to work 13 hours today, and deal with a bunch of goobs. Yay!

OH, and my server just crashed. Awesome. However, it’s rumored that economic stimulus payments start today.

First of all, myspace, fuck you for erasing everything I just wrote. Jesus Fucking Christ. I clicked the “advanced editor” which is disabled for some fucktard reason, and got a pop-up “Advanced Editor can’t run in your current browser/OS” and the I’m taken back to a blank box. What the fuck, fucktards? Thanks for that, awesome.

Second of all, the billing department of my web hosting company is a gaggle of fucktards. They billed me twice in two days. Yeah it’s only $7.95, but it’s the principle, dammit.

The following is an excerpt (a long one) of my online chat with some chick in India who claims her name is Rachel.

You”re connected to operator - Rachel

Rachel: Hello

Me: Hi

Rachel: How may I help you

Me: Why have I been charged twice for my service this month?

Me: Paypal deducted my monthly fee twice.

Rachel: May I have your domain name please

Me: www.twistedprincess.org

Rachel: ok please give me a moment v

Rachel: You have not been charged twice

Rachel: the one payment is for the month of April

Rachel: And the other is for the month of May

Me: let me check my bank records

Rachel: As due to some error the invoice of the month of April was not generated at his proper time (can you tell she’s not from the U.S?)

Rachel: Hence, you have received both the invoices that is for the month of April and May at the same time

Me: well I would appreciate if you didn’t do it that way

Rachel: I regret for that

Me: how can I plan a budget if you just “decide” to deduct my bill whenever you feel like it

Me: seriously.

Me: that is unacceptable.

Rachel: It will not happened in the future

Me: I do not want my invoice deducted automatically anymore.

Me: how can I cancel automatic payments?

Rachel: I again apologize for this inconvenience

Me: and again, how can I cancel automatic payments?

Rachel: You can cancel your PayPal subscription payment by your end (no you can’t)

Me: If you have any questions or concerns about this subscription, please contact: Business Name: [COMPANY NAME] Contact Email: support@[COMPANY NAME].com Contact Phone: [877-blahblah] Thank you for using PayPal! The PayPal Team

Me: it says to contact you (boo yeah)

Rachel: Kindly log in to your paypal account and can cancel the subscription

Rachel: ok I will cancel you subscription payment for that you need to send us the email that you want to cancel only your automatic renewal

Me: how can I be sure that you won’t cancel my account?

Me: don’t do anything

Rachel: sure

Me: paypal won’t let me cancel the payment until it’s pending

Me: and since I never know when that is, I won’t know when to cancel.

Rachel: Please also mentioned that you just want to cancel your subscription payment not your account

Rachel: Kindly email us we will do it on behalf of you

Me: I just sent an email. Please don’t cancel my account. (at this point I’m at their mercy)

Rachel: Yes sure

Rachel: we have received your email

Rachel: We will update you in the same email

Me: thank you

Rachel: You are welcome

Rachel: I have replied you in the email

Rachel: and also canceled your subscription

Not to be a bitch, but fuck man, I hate dealing with faceless drones. Fucking fucktards.

Second Work was thrilling yesterday. One customer invited me to a Mozart concerto at a church. Another told me that my breasts are amazing. Then he bought a Turbonegro sticker. So all the sniveling hipsters with their shitty bands, skinny jeans and short bangs can eadad. So can the stinky bum who checks his 40 lb backpack at the counter and camps out till we close. I really want your reeking questionable sack nearby for the next three hours. Awesome. He’s harmless and all, but he can still eat a dick and die.

Thank you again, urbandictionary.com.

People are such douches. Seriously. Like at Second Job, there are so many people who think they’re so fucking cool (not necessarily employees), it’s ridiculous. I’m lazy as shit, and to my recollection, it takes a lot of time and energy to be cool, neither of which I have at my disposal lately. So fuck all that noise and fuck the people who are too busy being something they think others will approve of. Sorry I have acne and don’t have skinny jeans or super short bangs.

And to the guy with the ridiculous handlebar mustache and rockabilly hair that won’t talk to anyone who hasn’t worked there for over a year: It really doesn’t mask your mediocre looks and massive gut, so get over it. By my calculations, you’re a little too old to worry about “cultivating a look.” Maybe you should cultivate a resume for a higher paying job. Fucking douche.

Did you ever think that by being so “zany” and “nonconformist,” you’re still conforming to something? Duh. I’m one of the biggest nerds I know. Nerds are the real nonconformists because they don’t give a shit. I give a little shit, obviously. I’m not THAT big a nerd. But I did start watching Star Trek last night.

Taking a break from the alphabet of hate and ridicule, I need to discuss a movie I saw this week, “Stanley & Iris” with Jane Fonda (a struggling widow, Iris) and Robert De Niro (an illiterate mechanical genius, Stanley). Thank god for Netflix instant watch, I don’t think I’d have lasted this long without a TV. Did I mention in the last two days that I fucking miss TV? Because I do. I miss it like I miss the guy I dated in 7th grade for three days (who, coincidentally, I had a dream about last night).

I need to preface the following by saying that I love Jane Fonda and she will always be Judy Bernly (from 9 to 5) to me. But in this movie, she says a lot of things that shocked me. First of all, she and her sister are discussing her (Iris’s) right to be happy again, have fun, blah blah blah. Jane Fonda says something like, “I miss making love. Sometimes on Sunday we would spend all day in bed and eat anything we could find in the refrigerator.” Ummm…GROSS. I would never say that to my sisters (no offense), like they want to hear that? No one wants to hear that. And later, she tells her daughter that she was an accident, from a racy day washing the car. If my mom told me that she and my dad had me when they decided to get wet and nasty washing the car and didn’t even make it up the stairs before they did it, I would recoil in horror. That’s the kind of thing I want to know NEVER.

Oh, and despite Stanley’s illiteracy, of course he’s super knowledgeable on trees and mechanics. Otherwise he’d just be an ignorant douche that no one wanted Iris to waste her time on. In addition, upon telling my friend what I was watching, he said, “Illiteracy is always a soft spot for movie goers.” I found that to be comedy gold.

That’s all I had to say, but I really had to get it out.

Everything about First Job spells cockass. Sorry Anne, cockass is currently my favorite C word.

I hate Santa Cruz lately, it should be called Santa Cockass. I hate the traffic on the way to work, I hate the fucking student cockass juniors crossing the street and dropping their shit when I’m waiting to turn and running late for work, and I hate the random poor man’s Molly Ringwald crossing the street today when NO ONE crosses that intersection EVER, but today she had to. Really? Today? Why? Fuck.

I hate the cockass printer. I hate restarting the server because of some bullshit error message. Maybe the shit would swim along a little better if we weren’t running fucking Windows NT. Hello, 1998 called, it wants its operating system back.

I hate having complicated projects dumped on me because someone else couldn’t get to it. I hate the cockasses in Venezuela and Saudi Arabia paying 40 cents per gallon of gas when I pay like 10 times that.

I hate that I downgraded my Netflix to one at a time, but I don’t want to watch anything I borrowed from Second Job. Maybe it’s time to read a book so I’m not an ignorant cockass like everyone else seems to be lately.

How much is gas in Portland? That’s the question of the day.

Yeah yeah, I know. Bastard is an illegitimate child. Whatever. But in this case the bastard I’m referring to is my corporate office, and a cheap one at that. I get about 1.5 hours of leave time per pay period. That’s THREE HOURS per month! Really? I’m supposed to survive on THREE HOURS PER MONTH? God forbid I get sick, or have to attend a wedding in France. I’ve taken a total of 2 days off this year with the meager vacation time I accrued. Both times I tried to make up time throughout the week so I wouldn’t have to use the entire 8 hours. Both times the corporate office fucked me in the ass with a rusty crowbar, took all my time, and gave me overtime for the extra hours worked. Thanks, bastard. I don’t need fucking overtime, I need TIME OFF. And check this out: I take a class every Tuesday (today), and leave at 2pm, so I make up the time throughout the week. I don’t get overtime for those days. In California, overtime is anything more than 8 hours in a day OR 40 hours in a week. My corporate office is in Florida, so no one seems to care about how we do things. Bastard. This is exactly why I don’t want to be part of the machine, man.

Is this legal? Does anyone know the overtime laws for California in conjunction with making up time and using vacation time? I’ve done at least three google searches, but I can’t find anything substantial to use for my corporate office. Bastard.

On a related note, I’m looking for another job. I’ve had it with the tyrannical neo-McCarthyism methods of this company. Fuck it all, maybe I can get a job with Yahoo before they merge with Microsoft. I’m such a nerd, do I get any employment points for being a nerd?

Some asshole’s car in the parking lot at First Job:

Don’t park like that, don’t be an asshole. What is wrong with people? It would be bad enough if dude had some dinky small-hooded Honda (like me, for example), but it’s a ridiculous Trans Am-ish piece of shit, blocking the one sidewalk we have to the building. Fuck you, guy in the parking lot, you’re an asshole.

Canada PSAs

A U.S. PSA