I keep getting these Myspace email alerts for birthday reminders and such. Thanks, Myspace, but Facebook’s got me covered, as well as my own calendar. Do you tell me when to expect my next period? I don’t think so. If I relied on you for my personal management, I’d be just as lost as the people who still use you as their main networking site. Then I get those needy “see what’s new with your friends” emails that are so transparently desperate, I can’t even stand it. No offense, Myspace, but I could give a dick about what you think is “new with [my] friends.” I know what’s new with my friends. They’re happy it’s summer, some of them are happy it’s Friday, some are regaling us with tales of grocery trips gone wrong or phone catastrophes. Like many things in life, Myspace is like a pathetic ex that just won’t accept that it’s over. Mainly because I failed to perform due diligence and actually delete my account (much like telling someone you want to break up rather than just dodging their calls) instead of jumping into bed with the hottest new thing (Facebook) and temporarily forgetting for a moment that there ever was a Myspace. Despite the fact that I gravy trained some of my Myspace friends on Facebook. I’m sorry Myspace. I strung you along for years, dumped you and took some of your friends with me. But I feel like they were really my friends the whole time.

In addition, Myspace’s perception of my friends is a little outdated. Some people who were my friends on Myspace are not my friends on Facebook. I guess we were never that good of friends. If any of those people read this, I’m sorry. I don’t see you adding my ass either, though, so stuff it in a sack. Do you still have my number in your phone, if you ever did? Doubtful. So really, what are we losing? An awkward encounter?

It’s interesting though, all these social networking sites and how they alter our communication behaviors (I smell a paper on this for my next class). A networking site is like living in a city that happens to include everyone in the world. Everyone on your friends list is in your neighborhood. Sometimes, one or more of these friends does something that makes you want to kick them out of your neighborhood, like posting nonsense every fucking five minutes. Or tagging you in photos that you’re not actually in just so you’ll see them and comment, or somehow be associated. Well guess what? I don’t necessarily want your lame photo of our high school to come up under “photos of me” for all to see. Maybe let me make such decisions myself. Whatever the reason, sometimes you just need to delete some bitches. If you feel guilty about it, you may post an announcement that says you’re “cleaning house” or “thinning the herd” because your ego tells you that people are going to hide under a pile of trash and cut themselves unless you provide some kind of explanation. Even worse, you may hope to get responses like “don’t delete me!” to validate said ego.

When you switch to another social networking site, like the mass exodus from Myspace to Facebook, it’s like the ultimate house clean, or herd thinning. You’re in a new city, and you can build your new neighborhood however you like. For the first week or so, you live in the most exclusive, upscale neighborhood in the universe. Only the elite few are good enough to move in. You can just dog the people that you didn’t really like in your old neighborhood – let them live in the ghetto and get shanked for a cheeseburger. It’s like moving to a new city in real life and passive-aggressively failing to keep in touch with those you don’t want to talk to anymore.* But then, time passes, and people crawl out from under their rocks in Singapore or New Zealand, and out of excitement of reuniting, you add them and swear you’ll be new best friends for life. Once you catch up and realize you never had that much in common to begin with (hence you weren’t that close back then either, otherwise you wouldn’t have lost touch in the first place), they fade into the background with everyone else you never talk to.

I just found this from a message I wrote in 2006 to someone I was pretty good friends with from 1993 to 1995, naturally, after reuniting on Myspace:

“Who knows, maybe we can get together for one of those “hey, how are you, good to see you! What have you been up to? Well, nice talking to you, let’s never speak again because now that we’ve satisfied our curiosity we have nothing more to say” encounters.”

Strangely, he never wrote back. I think my point’s been made. So then you’re stuck with those people you never talk to and if it were a real life neighborhood you’d be secretly calling the cops on each other for loud parties and nonsense and blaming it on someone else so you don’t look like an aging nerd. And you don’t want to delete them because they may just add you again and if you deny the request, you’re an assface. If you want to be super passive aggressive about it, you can delete your profile and create a new one like some people I know have done. But Facebook is a little more grownup than Myspace, less aliases and such, so I’ve been seeing that a lot less. Facebook has all kinds of neat little features. My favorite is “Hide.” This way you don’t have to be a dick and delete people, but you can hide all their annoying and unnecessary status updates. Once they make you regret adding them, it’s too late. My mom told me that people know when you’re hiding them, but I hope that’s not true.

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about today, despite my urgent need to finish my homework and clean. The cleaning part is no easy task because I have to wait for Mr. M to wake up before I can vacuum. Probably around 2pm.

*Anyone in Sacramento that’s reading this who I don’t talk to anymore, it’s because I’m busy (though I don’t think they read my blog). You know you’re still my friend. Seriously. I usually visit my family and a select group that may be having an event that weekend. I don’t know how to explain it without digging a giant hole. For example – old neighbor Amy, I’m NOT passive-aggressively failing to keep in touch! I’m just in school and perpetually stressed! I wish you were still my neighbor!